Tom Waits Quotes

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

No, I don`t have a drinking problem except when I can`t get a drink.

I`d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I like to walk out of a restaurant with enough gas to open a Mobil station.

I hate Disneyland. It primes our kids for Las Vegas.

If Michael Jackson wants to work for Pepsi, why doesn`t he just get himself a suit and an office in their headquarters and be done with it?

All hardware items must be admired for their sonic properties: pitchforks, egg beaters, crowbars, fireplace grates, shovels, anvils, rebars (the structural reinforcement rods used in poured concrete), trash cans - the list goes on and on and they`re all waiting to be played.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

I`d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

I`m just trying to make a buck like everyone else.

It`s hard to win when you always lose.

George Bush is a fan of mine, he came to see me in the Seventies. His coke dealer brought him.

I`m so horny the crack of dawn better watch out.

Their memory`s like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away And the things you can`t remember Tell the things you can`t forget that History puts a saint in every dream.

Don`t you know there ain`t no devil, it`s just god when he`s drunk.






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