Ron White Quotes

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that`s all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

People are saying that I`m an alcoholic, and that`s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I`m a workaholic.

I`d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

I didn`t get where I am today by worryin` about how I`d feel tomorrow.

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I`d done for twelve years because I couldn`t throw `em out.

I do live like a rock star, but it`s not as great as it sounds. It`s a lot of traveling.

I`ve never been one to look up the ladder. I`ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there`s one guy down there, I`m fine.

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.

Diamonds - that`ll shut her up... for a minute!

I`ve got a great cigar collection - it`s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn`t going to smoke every last one of `em.

There have been times in my life that I`ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine`s putting in an express lane.

But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It`s like anything else. It`s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn`t have the ability.

The hardest that I`ve laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed `til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.