Rita Rudner Quotes

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother`s tasted better the day before.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn`t mine.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Before I met my husband, I`d never fallen in love, though I`d stepped in it a few times.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor`s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

When I meet a man I ask myself, `Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?`

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That`s how rich I want to be.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

My husband gave me a necklace. It`s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I`m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don`t want something around my neck that`s worth more than my head.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Before I met my husband, I`d never fallen in love. I`d stepped in it a few times.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they`ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.