Ricky Gervais Quotes

He`s eight foot tall, has stupid glasses, awful hair, but it makes me look good, which is why he`s in the series. We look so strange on screen together as well. The height difference is ridiculous. I want people to know that he is a freak and I`m the normal one. Don`t look at this and go, `What? Didn`t know Ricky was a dwarf.` I`m not. He`s the weird one. - mocking his comedy partner, Stephen Merchant

I remember when we were talking to one of the executives at the BBC. And he said, `Now hold on, this man (David Brent) is so incompetent why wouldn`t he be fired?` and I said `Go and take a look around this building. Just go and knock on a few doors.`

I`ve been offered a part in Alias and I`m going to do it. I love Alias, it`s great and JJ Abrams is writing me a part especially. It`s just whether I can do it or not - it`s got to be the right time, the right project, it`s got to be fun, it`s got to be worth it and it mustn`t be bad for my career. Most people go `it`ll do, it`s work and it`ll make me a bit more famous` or `the money`s good` but I just think I`ve never regretted saying no. But a lot of people have regretted saying yes.

I have plenty of pet hates. I can`t stand people scraping their plate or slurping their soup. I can`t stand waiting in lines. I hate people talking inanely about the Lord Of The Rings. I hate people whistling. But I`m not like this because I`m famous. I`ve always been a grumpy bastard.

Apparently, I don`t know if this is true but I hope it is, I`ve heard it from a few reports, when we went up to get our awards apparently Clint Eastwood turned to someone that he was with and went, (Clint impression) `Who the fuck are they?`

(about animals) "When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: `Good, you shouldn`t be in there`. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It`s the same with fox hunting. They`re just psychopaths. I think I`ll end up doing something with animals - running a sanctuary or something."

(on turning down a role in `Pirates of the Caribbean`) " (I) didn`t really fancy sitting in a hotel room in Los Angeles for nine weeks for two minutes on screen, to be honest. I don`t really want to be an actor. I want to write and direct. I`ve been offered about ten British films. Obviously all shit. I was offered one with Johnny Depp, but again, it was a small character part, and I thought, `What`s the point?` No one`s ever watched someone in seven films for one minute and said, `Yeah, give him his own film`...it doesn`t happen."

I hate lateness. I hate people who are late. There is no excuse for turning up late for anything. I`ve never been late for anything in my life. I was actually born a week premature, because I wanted to be early for my own birth. Being late is an insult to me.

I grew up watching fantastic mainstream comedies like `Porridge` and `Rising Damp`. There are some mainstream things I love.

Accepting his Golden Globe: "I`m not from these parts. I`m from a little place called England - we used to run the world before you lot."

On Lord Of The Rings - I don`t like all this stupid Gollum begat Wobblo and the Oompa Loompas and...Oh Jesus Christ! There was too much "Oh, God, here come the gloodloys..." Christ Almighty, what are they talking about!?

Why say a couple of lines opposite Brad Pitt when I could be playing lead back home? (On turning down the chance to appear in Ocean`s Twelve)

I did Jonathon Ross last year and he said `do people do impressions of David Brent?` and I went `well, they can`t really because he`s such a normal bloke`. Then, after the show, me and Ross are walking through the car park and this bloke jumps out and goes `der-ner-ner-ner-ner`, does the David Brent dance and runs away. Jonathon Ross was in hysterics: `all that shit you came out with and then some bloke jumps out and runs away`. But on the whole it doesn`t really happen

About the showbiz lifestyle: "It`s all too much trouble for me. It`s probably because I`m fat and lazy and old."

Money gives me the creeps and mildly embarrasses me. I get paid too much anyway.

I`m a lot taller than I look on television and younger, and for the role of David Brent I wore a fat suit under my shirt and trousers. Really I`m about 25 and about 6` 1 tall. So that`s probably why you don`t recognize me in the street."

There`s nothing wrong with getting 20 million viewers, but I think there`s something wrong with aiming at getting 20 million viewers, because then you have to take away all the things that will offend, and you`ll end up with something so anodyne that it just washes over you for half an hour. I imagine The Office was also one of the most hated shows on television, that some people passionately hated it. But that`s better, for me. David Bowie said that after Let`s Dance, which is his biggest album ever and obviously not his best, he was doing these stadium gigs and looked out at the audience and suddenly realized that he had Phil Collins fans instead of Iggy Pop fans. And that`s how I feel about everything I do: I want Iggy Pop fans.

We`re still trying to break records on the twentieth anniversary of Live Aid. I`ve just heard Bob Geldof has put Phil Collins on a jet to Philadelphia. There`s nothing going on there, we just don`t want him around this year. No I`m joking, of course we didn`t put him on a jet. We stuck him in a catapult. To be fair, he didn`t get very far. Although it worked in rehearsals when we used it on Chris De Burgh. I could do a whole routine about injuring Phil fucking Collins.