Richard Belzer Quotes

I`ve known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

Anybody who thinks there`s not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

(on his long-running character, Det. John Munch) Munch is the guy who says what a lot of people wouldn`t dare say.

It`s this patronizing thing that people have about if you`re against the war everyone`s lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they`re not war experts.

(on U.S. soldiers serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom) You think everyone over there is a college graduate? They`re 19- and 20-year-old kids who couldn`t get a job.

(on U.S. soldiers serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom) You think everyone over there is a college graduate? They`re 19- and 20-year-old kids who couldn`t get a job.

There`s a division in most major police departments called, `Special Victims Unit,` which is what sex crimes are euphemistically called. They`re considered the most heinous crimes, when not only do you violate somebody, but you violate them sexually. So it`s an elite squad that takes care of that.

I get asked for his autograph all the time, ... Night Shift.

That`s bull----: Ask them! They`re not .. they don`t read twenty newspapers a day. They`re under the threat of death every minute. They`re not the best people to ask about the war because they`re going to die any second.