Paul Lynde Quotes

Upon telling his family he wanted to go into show business: "My dad hit the roof and I hit the road, simultaneously."

I don`t know who the hell Paul Lynde is or why he`s funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me. An actor shouldn`t undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you`re better off not knowing.

I have so many friends who were lovers. After they got married, it was over.

I`m used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I`d make a terrible husband anyway.

"I don`t meet enough women outside show business, and I wouldn`t marry anyone in this field." (in 1969)

"Sometimes, I think you`re better off not being married today. When you see your married friends split up, it`s devastating. Call it scared! Call it an obsession. But I took it for granted I was going to marry a girl I went with for nine years. That is, until I received her wedding invitation." (in 1974)

I was in `Bye Bye Birdie` on Broadway - played the father. I was in the film version, but they should have retitled it `Hello, Ann-Margret!` They cut several of my and the other actors` best scenes and shot new ones for her so she could do her teenage-sex-bombshell act.

I had a drag scene in Doris Day`s The Glass Bottom Boat (1966). An elegant gown. Actually, it was more expensive than any of the ones Doris had to wear. That day that I came in fully dressed and coiffed, I was the belle of the set! Everybody went wild! Doris came over and looked me up and down and told me, `Oh, I`d never wear anything that feminine.`

My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn`t been neglected.

There are three subjects I`ve learned never to discuss at nudist camps: politics, religion, and tape measures.

If I`m not working, I don`t know what to do.

An actor shouldn`t undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you`re better off not knowing.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I don`t know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he`s funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they`ve caused all our grief. They`re so awful, they`re really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

My table seats eight, so that`s my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn`t get wrecked that way.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

I can`t even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it`s not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter.

The doctor`s name was Sylvia. I told her she`d have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother`s name.

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don`t need a spoon or a plate!

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.

Mothers don`t want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I`ll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I`m Liberace without a piano.

I don`t understand why people don`t remember my name.

My following is straight. I`m so glad.

I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.

The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn`t even own a belt.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I`d get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I`ll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I`ve never found an easy way.

If I hadn`t become a celebrity, I`d probably be an alcoholic.

I had a drag scene in Doris Day`s "Glass Bottom Boat." An elegant gown. Actually, it was more expensive than any of the ones Doris had to wear. That day that I came in fully dressed and coiffed, I was the belle of the set! Everybody went wild! Doris came over and looked me up and down and told me, `Oh, I`d never wear anything that feminine.`

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

I don`t always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I`ll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

Someday I`m going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.

I feel now it`s useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I`ve decided if I can make people laugh, I`m making a more important contribution.

I always wanted to be Anna May Wong. She seemed so much more exotic and exciting than plain ordinary folk. But no-go. I wasn`t fated to be Wong, just white.

When I said I didn`t have a cent, I didn`t. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.