Lily Tomlin Quotes

There will be sex after death - we just won`t be able to feel it.

I`ve been around a long time, and I interviewed with a lot of the same people over and over. I was always direct and open about my life. I would always reference Jane (Wagner) and everything, but they never choose to write about it that way -- just like they never wrote about Jack Kennedy and the women in the swimming pool. It was the times, but the media culture has changed.

I remember back in the 70s during my really assertive days someone took me to dinner with Lola Falana. And she was talking about her backup dancers; she kept calling them her "boy dancers" so my guard was already up. Then she said "I also like John. He`s a real purse nelly". I said "Excuse me? What did you just say". I was ready to go to battle. "You know," she says in her thick accent. "Purse Nelly! Pursnelly!" Then I realized she was saying he had a good personality.

Why is it that when we talk to God we`re said to be praying but when God talks to us we`re schizophrenic?

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you`re still a rat.

(When asked about her complexion during her "Rowan & Martin`s Laugh-In" (1968) days) "I`ve never had a pimple in my whole life - and that`s the truth".

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.

If you read a lot of books, you`re considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you`re not considered well-viewed.

I had a friend who was getting married. I gave her a subscription to the magazine "Modern Bride". The subscription lasted longer than the marriage.

Reality is a crutch for people who can`t cope with drugs.

Why isn`t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It`s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.

We`re all in this alone.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It`s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library.

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you`re not considered well viewed.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It`s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

I like children but I don`t really want to have any children and raise them.

God only knows what I would have done with them, poor things. I really do like kids, but there wouldn`t have been room in my life to raise children.