Lewis Grizzard Quotes

It`s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

If you ain`t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Sex hasn`t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Instead of getting married again, I`m going to find a woman I don`t like and give her a house.

I don`t think I`ll get married again. I`ll just find a woman I don`t like and give her a house.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, `What`s in it for me?`