Lee Evans Quotes

I`m a lot more confident, ... I think more so this year, my role is defined and I know what they expect of me.

You`ve got to take advantage of those guys outside. It`s frustrating.

I didn`t win the game. That`s the object when you go out there. That`s really all there is to say. I didn`t win, and I didn`t step up when I needed to.

My brothers were staying at my house, so I hired them on to help me, ... You have to help people when you can.

I started doing physical comedy, because I was like a moving target. You know what British audiences are like - `he`s shit, kill him!` My upbringing taught me to keep moving.

This is real big. For him to get off to a good start, it`s key for us, especially for a young player, to come out and execute.

When asked for advice for younger comics: "Breathe! `Cause if you`re still breathing, you`ve still got a chance! That`s the only advice I can offer because as for the rest... it`s a nightmare!"

I`m very comfortable with it, ... It was a time where we really got the chance to develop ourselves as players mentally.

Kelly just ran the offense. He took high-percentage passes and put it in our hands to make plays.

It`s also a lot easier to do it at home. We can hear and execute. On the road it`s pretty tough.

To see the way they looked and felt. It trickled down to me, ... To see how important it is to them made me realize as a young player that this is what you need to be going after.

They tried to man us up. We felt right out of the gates they were going to try to press me and Eric (Moulds) on the outside. We knew we were going to have to make a play to get them to back out. On that pass play that`s what we did. I was able to get open, and we gashed them.

Have you noticed every time there`s a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"

I love restaurants, and that`s the thing now, they always boast about now, restaurants - home made cooking - I don`t want home made cooking, that`s why I`m here, `cos I don`t like the shit at home! Yeah... you know! And they don`t say who`s home it is, do they! Could be a mental home, couldn`t it!

I like it when the waiter askes you if you want parmesan cheese on your dinner, yeah, give me essence of puke all over me tea!

We got completely lost driving in, and we asked the way, yeah, why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village-fucking-idiot!

You ever get lost with your wife in the car, you`re *completely* lost, and they *always* say the same thing! "Oh let`s just go home." "WE`RE FUCKING LOST! WHAT DID YOU THROW FUCKIN` BREAD OUT THE WINDOW?"

I hate those parking machines. Any machine where you`ve got to put money in, how do they always know you`re in a hurry? You know, you rush up to it and they always get fussy on that last pound coin! You put it in and it goes "Nooo, I don`t like that one!" "Yeah well it`s just the same as all the others!" "Yeah I know, I just don`t like that last one!"

(about fizzy drinks machines) Who built that machine, to let that can, filled with gas, fall that far? You know, you put in that coin and it`s just like *KABOOM!*

Why are we still embarrased about the condom machine? The only blokes who are not embarrased are the blokes who don`t get any! You know, they wait in the bog, pound in hand, and as soon as someone comes in they`re like "Come on! come on! I`ve got birds waiting!"