Larry David Quotes

I guess I still feel that I`m a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn`t mean that I like it, but I feel that`s what I am.

(after winning the Golden Globe for best comedy series) This is a sad day for the Golden Globes. It is, however, quite a good day for Larry David. I suspect the wife will be a little forthcoming tonight.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn`t involve a woman.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I`m very casual about it.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there`s your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

I couldn`t be happier that President (George W. Bush) has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I didn`t cringe when I saw myself - I mean, sometimes I did, but it wasn`t a big cringe-fest for me.

I don`t think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It`s not even interesting to me.

When I was living in New York and didn`t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I`d think, "That`ll be good, that`ll be a good spot for me when I`m homeless".

I managed to put together an act that I could do, and enjoy, and kill with, on a Saturday night. But it still was difficult going on.

I`m a walking, talking enigma.

(after winning the Golden Globe for best comedy series )"This is a sad day for the Golden Globes. It is, however, quite a good day for Larry David. I suspect the wife will be a little forthcoming tonight."

If you tell the truth about how you`re feeling, it becomes funny.

At first, I didn`t realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

It`s that I wasn`t suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I`ve led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

I just wanted laughs - that`s really what I was after.

Well, as you know, I`m really only happy when I`m on stage.

You write about what you know.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sure, being a reservist wasn`t as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

A place to go - that`s what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you`re worthless unless you have a place to go.

Drugs scared me.

The only change I can really see is that I don`t have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

When you`re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Most of the time I`m thinking, I`m glad that scene was improvised.

There are times when I`m driving home after a day`s shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would`ve been so much better if I had written it out.

I couldn`t be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.