Kinky Friedman Quotes

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I`ll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I`ll sign anything except bad legislation.

Remember: Y`all is singular. All y`all is plural. All y`all`s is plural possessive.

Yes, I`m a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

I`ve always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

I`ll tell you right now. I`m for prayer in school.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won`t get a lot done in the mornings, but we`ll work late and be honest.

I don`t remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That`s very important in my life.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

We`ve got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

When I`m governor... I`ll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn`t hold `em under long enough.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

We were a country band with a social conscience.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

Young people are the key to this election.

I`m too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it`s just not in a place I can show you.

The first thing I`ll do if elected is demand a recount.

We`re first on executions. We`re 49th in funding public education. We`re in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we`re winning.

Students don`t know who Mark Twain was because he wasn`t on the test.

If you ain`t Texan, I ain`t got time for you.

We`ve had to be creative to get on the ballot.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, `Thank God for Texas.`

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.