Johnny Vegas Quotes

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow `cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they`re not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It`s my own paranoia.

You can`t be a proper comic unless you`ve been out on stage and felt the fear.

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.

We all have days where we can`t pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

I think men going bald is certainly off limits, coming from a family as I do, where it`s in our gene pool and it could one day happen to me.

The fun is being able to have a show that you can do but then always being able to look out for that opportunity to do something different.

I`m getting positive feedback for my acting so we`ll see if any other interesting parts come up.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I`m grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old`s birthday party, you couldn`t pay me enough.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

I`ve got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.

There`s this idea that it has to be made in London. But we`ve got everything up here, and if you`ve got comics who are gifted because of where they`re from, you shouldn`t drag them away from that natural resource.

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I`d probably spend a lot of money on it.

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

I`ve got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don`t ask what the part is, but what century it`s in.

With stand-up you`ve just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

When I wasn`t as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

My work`s never been accepted by my family, but it`s something I`ll always carry on with.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

There`s lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he`s not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.

This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I`ve been brought in at the last minute.

If I see somebody visually challenged, I won`t purposefully focus in on them unless they call me names, and then I`ll call them back.

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I`ve become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

I get all kinds of ages, it really does range from silly drunk old men to silly drunk young lads. And the same goes for the females.

Had I become a priest, the sermons would`ve been electric!