Joan Rivers Quotes
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I`ll consider it.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she`s a tramp.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Never floss with a stranger.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God`s gift, that`s why we call it the present.
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I`d look like without plastic surgery.
Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
I don`t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
If God wanted us to bend over he`d put diamonds on the floor.
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
