Jimmy Kimmel Quotes

I have like fifteen televisions in my house.

There`s an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they`re mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they`ve built to look like a temple. It`s just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.

Almost every week, someone`s mad at me.

I don`t know if we can call ourselves everyday Joes. I think Supermen is more appropriate. We`re just trying to take back the medium we invented!

I only get unusual ailments.

That`s my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don`t.

I`m a creative consultant, whatever that means.

It`s funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn`t popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I`m throwing up.

I`m a terrible golfer.