Jennifer Aniston Quotes

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

It`s impossible to satisfy everyone, and I suggest we all stop trying.

(on her marriage to Brad Pitt, after two years) Everybody always asks if we`re happy. Give me a break. We`re married two years. In Hollywood years, that`s forever.

(on the constant rumors surrounding her split from Brad Pitt) There is always going to be the tough and the nasty. You just tune out to that.

(on the irony of the title of her movie, The Break-Up (2006)) Well, you know. I figured just seize the moment.

I always say, "Don`t make plans, make options."

If we can say, "I loved, and I received a lot of love," then great. That`s enough.

On her marriage to Brad Pitt, after 2 years: "Everybody always asks if we`re happy. Give me a break. We`re married two years. In Hollywood years, that`s forever."

I guess we`d be living in a boring, perfect world if everybody wished everybody else well.

On the irony of the title of her upcoming movie, The Break-Up (2006): "Well, you know. I figured just seize the moment."

On the constant rumors surrounding her recent split from Brad Pitt: "There is always going to be the tough and the nasty. You just tune out to that."

True love brings up everything - you`re allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily.

The best smell in the world is that man that you love.

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.

I was on a date with a guy that I liked whe he bite a cherry tomato which split on my white dress.

Quirky is sexy, like scars or chipped teeth. I also like tattoos; they're rebellious

Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.

I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special.

I almost resent the whole fashion thing. Good God. Never wearing the same thing twice and all of those things. It's a pain in the ass.

I wouldn't change my childhood, I wouldn't change my heartaches, I wouldn't change my successes... I really love who I am

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

You're damned if you're too thin and you're damned if you're too heavy. According to the press I've been both. It's impossible to satisfy everyone, and I suggest we all stop trying

I don't get sent anything strange like underwear. I get sent cookies.

There are no regrets in life, just lessons

Don't rely on men but don't shun them either

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.

The best smell in the world is the man that you love.

On Courteney Cox Arquette

- “If we were lesbians, we would marry each other.”

On Courteney Cox Arquette

- “Courteney’s a neat freak. And thank God, because my dressing room would be a mess if it wasn’t for her!”

On Courteney Cox Arquette

- “Courteney’s not stand-offish, she’s not threatened by women, and she doesn’t have to throw her womanliness all over you to show what kind of woman she is. She’s comfortable and that makes you feel comfortable.”

On Courteney Cox Arquette

- “From the first day we met, she just dragged me outside and started telling me about her relationships. She draws you in. She’s the all-around friend and the ultimate loyalist.”

On Courteney Cox Arquette

- “She’s been there for me in a lot of ways and she really is just the most dependable and loyal and funny as all get out. I mean, she just cracks me up. Constantly.”

On Vince Vaughn

- “He is really charismatic on screen. He is a very interesting human being and that just makes him a more interesting actor.”

On Vince Vaughn

- “I knew him more as a dramatic guy than the comedy guy. I knew him from Clay Pigeons, from A Cool, Dry Place, from Swingers. And all those movies you knew Vince Vaughn was in that you didn’t necessarily (see)...”

On Vince Vaughn

- “He’s very funny. He’s brilliantly funny. He’s hilarious. He’s unbelievably ferociously talented and has work ethic that is inspiring. It was pure fun. It’s great when you can have that thing where you can have a good volley with someone.”

On Vince Vaughn

- “He’s a good friend. First and foremost he’s a really good, loyal friend. Fiercely loyal.”

On Vince Vaughn

- “(He's) a dear friend and fantastic co-star (...) who’s so funny and talented.”

On Mark Wahlberg

- “He’s just wonderful in it. He’s such a good actor. I felt I was a better actor because of him. And he’s so sweet, with his crazy long locks. Mark’s so sweet, so it wasn’t too hard to pretend.”

On Clive Owen

- “Of course, Clive Owen didn’t hurt and he truly is as wonderful a person as he is an actor.”

On Clive Owen

- “He’s basically tall, dark and handsome.”

On Miguel Arteta

- “Miguel is the kindest, most soft-spoken man. It was weird. There was just something about trusting this man. I put my life in his hands and let him go with it.”

On Kevin Bacon

- “Kevin’s very supportive and he’s always there for you when you need him. He also comes up with the most original characterizations to play off of.”

On Matt LeBlanc

- “I remember the producers saying they never expected Joey to be so loving and warm. Matt just oozes those qualities and they’ve rubbed off. He’s one of the sweetest people ever.”

On Matt LeBlanc

- “LeBlanc is the biggest teddy bear on the planet.”

On Matt LeBlanc

- “Le Blanc, who is just the best big brother to me. Young? Big brother, (he is) older than me. Just a little bit. I feel so protected by Mattie. Talk about someone who can read me a mile away... I know I seem obvious but... I’ll be standing there and I see him giving me this look and he says, ‘Come over here, sit down, talk.’ And he just gets you to lose it, if there’s something to lose. Or figure something out. He’s just amazing. One of the dearest, loving... ya know? I love (him).”

On Matt LeBlanc

- “Matt is just heaven. He has such heart–that’s Matt LeBlanc, he’s just a big love. I always laugh at our past because I used to be terrified of him. He was leather, head to toe–one of those guys. All you’re thinking is, “Oh, he’s going to try to get me into bed. I can just see it a mile away.” Then he turned out to be the sweetest, most lovable man. He works really, really hard. I just love him. He’s a brother. He’s like the brother that I have, but here.”

On Shirley MacLaine

– “Shirley is the definition of a firecracker. I’ve worshipped this woman – she is one of my idols, and I still can’t believe that I had this opportunity to work with her. She’s absolutely fantastic in every way.”

On Matthew Perry

- “Unfortunately, he’s in the public eye, so his experimentation is out there, and I guess it went too far. Matthew is not even a drinker. He’s, like, a pure person. He’d almost frown on you if you had one too many glasses of wine and were getting silly.”

On Matthew Perry

- “What people may not know about Matthew Perry is that he’s probably one of the most sensitive people. As well as being funny and a genius. He’s very smart, plays tennis and I think (he) can speak French? He’s a really strong, supportive dear friend.”

On Matthew Perry

- “I’m going to miss Matthew Perry making me laugh and then making me cry.”

On Matthew Perry

- “I’m an excellent driver, really. Although I’m sure that Matthew Perry would beg to differ – he said I was the worst driver in the history of drivers and that if he knows I’m going somewhere in my car, he stays home. But he drives a black Porsche. It’s tiny. Porches are a tiny little extension of a man’s umm, male self.”

On David Schwimmer

- “David is the most committed, talented person.”

On David Schwimmer


- “Schwimmer looks a lot like my high-school sweetheart. So yeah, I’d be attracted to him. I love that sweet puppy-dog-eyed kind of thing.”

On David Schwimmer

- “(David as a director is) fantastic! He is one of our favorites. The first time we were all nervous and boy, it’s the most fun week we had in a long time! He directed us, he told us, he gave us great things to play. He was just awesome!”

On David Schwimmer

- “Schwimmy- Schwimmster is ehm... We have a lot of history. He’s ehm... all right. No, again – really smart and ehm, helps me figure out things that I don’t understand. I can really be honest with David and speak my mind... and I thank (him) for letting me do that.”

On Brad Pitt

- “Brad and I were driving and we saw an old couple driving. The lady was at the wheel, and her hands were shaking. He touched her hand, and he seemed to say, ‘I’ve loved you for 7,000 years and I still do.’ I hope that’s Brad and me one day.”

On Brad Pitt

- “I can’t imagine being with any other human being. I married (Brad) because he was the love of my life.”

On Brad Pitt

- “The first time my husband kissed me I stopped breathing. He literately took my breath away.”

On Brad Pitt

- “I knew Brad and I would hit it off, because my dog, Norman, loved him.”

On Lisa Kudrow

– “Dearest Lisa Kudrow, who’s also one of the most talented actresses. I’ve learned so much from (her). As a comedian, unbelievable. But also a dramatic actress who knocks your socks off. And loving. These girls, what we’ve gained from each other. Taught each other, we watched each other get married, lived through so much... and just so unconditional. And I think she’s amazing and I love (her).”

On Julia Roberts

– “Not everyone (of the movie stars which appeared on Friends were) nervous – Julia Roberts just knocked it out of the park. Everybody knocked it out of the park, but I didn’t see her as being afraid at all.”

On Tate Donovan

– “His parents are still together, he’s one of six kids, and they were all really happy to see him. We sat around a big table in the house he grew up in. I envy that so much. I don’t go for the big planned-out romantic gesture, but when he showed me his old bedroom, it was pretty romantic.

On Steven Spielberg

– “It was unbelievable to talk with Steven and be able to discover what a wonderful, down-to-earth guy he is. I mean, you just never know. And he was absolutely wonderful. Steven Spielberg was fascinated by the whole television world.”

On Oprah Winfrey

– “I just love her so much. She makes you feel like we’re all figuring it out together. She has just been a very good friend to me.”

On Judy Davis

– “I have been a fan of Judy for years and I had a moment when she popped into my head [to play my boss in The Break-Up.”

On Kristin Hahn & Andrea Bendewald

– “Kristin’s the revolutionary pioneer woman. Andrea is mom; I mean, Kris is literally mom, but Andrea really is mom. I don’t know what the hell I am. I’m kind of the carefree child that gets spanked once in a while. The one that gets wrangled in.”

On Kristin Hahn & Andrea Bendewald

– “With each of us, well especially me, Kristin and Andrea – our families are wonderful, but they definitely weren’t easy. It was hard for them to understand these other people always being there – my mother especially. I know she puts my life down a lot. She didn’t understand how special and protective these people were. If only she knew, I think she would have felt less threatened and embraced them.”

On Cameron Diaz

– “It was so wonderful to see Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich. You think, ‘Good. This is what actors do. They play many roles.’ Cameron’s not just a beautiful girl, she’s much, much more.”

On Jim Carrey

– “Jim’s fantastic. He’s hilarious. It’s fascinating to watch him. He goes all over the place.

On Morgan Freeman

– “Morgan Freeman, very sweet man. Makes you feel – you tremble in his presence.”

On Brooke Meyers (The Break-Up)

- “She’s an artist at heart, but she’s not really accomplished. She’s in a relationship she’s been in many times before... hoping to break a pattern she’s been repeating.”

On Sarah Huttinger (Rumor Has It...)

- “In the midst of her sister’s wedding, she opens this Pandora’s Box, which would explain why she is so unlike her father or her sister. She looks different; she doesn’t like to play tennis; she drives faster than they do. Suddenly, all of those differences make sense to her, so she goes on a quest to figure out: if she isn’t a Huttinger, who is she? And who is her dad?”

On Sarah Huttinger (Rumor Has It...)


- “Sarah is confused and unsure of where she’s going and who she is. I think this stems from the fact that she feels there’s a big piece of herself missing because she has always felt disconnected from her family, especially after her mother’s death.”

On Sarah Huttinger (Rumor Has It...)

- “Sarah has never been able to explore or understand those things she felt were missing from her connection to her own family. She’s a little like Mount St. Helens – ready to erupt. What we see in the film is her journey to finding her voice so that she can make the right choice.”

On Polly Prince (Along Came Polly)

- “Polly is a little flaky. She wouldn’t think so, but that’s sort of the charm – that she just doesn’t see anything wrong with how she acts. And to him it’s just like nails on a chalkboard. And yet they can’t help but fall for each other. I find her just very fearful of intimacy, fearful of letting herself be vulnerable, but I see her as very fearless, actually, in the way she sort of jumps all over the place. She can be anywhere, goes into all sorts of situations.”

On Justine Last (The Good Girl)

- “You don’t have to go and live in that life to relate to the problems that are pretty universal of feeling stuck and that loss of passion and vitality. She’s only 30 and she just feels like she’s done. I can relate to that. I think we all can.”

On Her Mother

- “She made a mistake ... I don’t think she knew any better – obviously. I’ve definitely tried. I made the efforts, and I’ve sort of started ... you know, it’s that stubborn thing of, ‘Well, I tried... I tried enough. Now it’s your turn.’”

On Her Mother

- “At some point in my life, I hope my mother and I will get together...unfortunately that got dragged out into the public eye. This is a wound that needs to heal slowly and times does that. And we love each other.”

On Her Mother

- “I never thought my mom would not know my husband.”

On Her Mother

- “There are times I feel I gave my mom unnecessary stress.”

On Her Girlfriends

- “I have so much love. I have love. My women friends – they’re all my mothers, they’re all my sisters, they’re all my partners, they’re all my wives, my everything. It’s hard to find a man who can live up to any of them.”

“You’re damned if you’re too thin and you’re damned if you’re too heavy. According to the press I’ve been both.”

“Its impossible to satisfy everyone and I suggest we all stop trying.”

- “It’s those moments when I’m being most truthful, being the highest form of myself and, you know, a nice pair of Jimmy Choo stiletto come-do-me pumps don’t hurt.”

“I’d love for you to put on a dress and shoes and have a hundred people scream at you and then walk down a carpet. There are dresses that are exquisite, but you have to hold your breath to sit down or walk up stairs. I’m more comfortable in a simple dress I can just wear and kick off my shoes and sit cross-legged on the couch.”

“Nobody thinks of themselves as sexy, really. Some days you go, ‘Hey, I’m not going too bad today.’ But if you try and be sexy, you’ll never be sexy.”

“Quirky is sexy, like scars or chipped teeth. I also like tattoos – they’re rebellious.”

“Sometimes Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox and myself compare the cellulite on our thighs and butt. We’re not that different from other girls. Women are obsessed about their hips; mine are really wide, as if they were made for having children. The day I become pregnant the baby will have all the room it wants inside of me.”

“Actually, I have bit of a shoe fetish. Men don’t really notice women’s shoes, but women wear them for each other. I’m a bit of a shrimp, so anytime I can look a little taller in heels, I’m happy. I love the way the calves and legs look in heels. Even when I’m barefoot and trying on an outfit, I’m constantly standing on my toes.”

“I still live somewhat by the Zone, it’s the only thing that works for me. Before, I had been starving myself and in a dieting vortex I couldn’t get out of. Now I pretty much eat whatever I want.”

“I don’t like any photographs of myself. It’s not me. It’s definitely a different person. Especially that Rachel s—. And with that old hairdo. Oh, I hate looking like that.”

“I don’t know what it means to be a sex symbol. When I see myself on a magazine cover I don’t see it as me, but as someone painted, fluffed, puffed and done-up. I don’t think about living up to it, it’s like something that just happened.”

“Isn’t it funny? Your image of yourself is so different than other peoples’. I’m not good at hearing positive things – I can accept criticism better. I’m very critical of myself – which gives me something to work on. I want to evolve.”

“I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special.”

“It’s a wonderful thing to have somebody I love so much. Who loves me and accepts me with all my insecurities and struggles.”

“It’s a real gift to find someone to share your life with and it turns out right.”

“Most of our friends have kids and they seem to have a lot of fun. Of course, there is a lot of work and responsibility, too. I am under no illusion, but I still feel that babies are so magical that I want at least one of my own. Brad feels the same way. We hope it is ‘when’ rather than ‘if’ and I don’t think of just having one.”

“True love brings up everything – you’re allowing a mirror to be held up to you, daily.”

“The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.”

“Maybe it’s a fairy tale, but I believe in happily ever after.”

“The ultimate is finding a place where you have no inhibitions, nothing to hide, where you can learn with one another.”

“Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it? So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or . . . I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know.”

“Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kind of falls into place.”

“I learned a lot about human relations and emotions at a young age, dealing with adults who were all of a sudden children. It’s definitely hard. You deal with them fighting through you. That’s a drag.”

- “I would love to sit down with all the people who are doing wrong in the world and go: Hey, what’s up with you? What is your f*cked up problem? Go smell the roses for crying out loud.”

“I think growing old should be done gracefully, though. There are some woman who shall remain nameless who have gone way too far. Some of them look like the Grinch. They look like they’re snorkeling with the snorkels still stuck in their mouths. I haven’t done the Botox thing...yet. Something frightens me about injecting botulism into my brain cavity. I love the expression showing in my face. But God knows I could use it. See, right here.”

“I look at life like rock climbing. You get through the first tier, you rest for a minute, you look back and see how far you’ve come. Then you look up and you’ve got another tier to climb.”

“At the end of the day when you go up to the big guy, he ain’t gonna care if you were famous loaded, any of that. So it comes down to love. Have you loved? Have you loved and received love?”

“I always say don’t make plans, make options.”

“The money that people have made out of these tabloid papers and TV shows is unbelievable. It’s the disgusting side of Hollywood. They’re always making up fights between the Friends co-stars. There was one in Star magazine that said I was ‘The Queen of Mean’. I was, like, ‘Whaaaat?!’”

“If you never take a risk, you actually risk loosing out in every department of life.”

“I think there comes a point where you have to grow up and get over yourself, lighten up... and forgive.”

“I’m just so sad about Friends ending that I got all goosey and weepy thinking about it. It’s already been nine years, which is longer than I’ve stayed with anything. I know my bank account has changed, but otherwise I’m the same person I was when I started. There have been wake-up calls though. I started out wanting to succeed and prove that I could be an independent working woman. Now I’m seeing the bigger picture, realizing that family and enjoying your life are more important than the next role.”

“Really try to follow what it is that you want to do and what your heart is telling you to do.”

“I guess we’d be living in a boring, perfect world if everybody wished everybody else well.”

“We only have one life, and we’re here for such a short period of time, you’d better have a blast with the person you’re with.”

“If you don’t take times to recharge, you’re gonna drive yourself into the ground and then your life goes by too fast and there’s nothing. I haven’t always lived by this motto, but I really don’t want to be one of those people who live to work. I want to work to live.”

“I don’t think guys are doing anything wrong (during sex), but I do think you’re too conscious of yourselves. Stop being aware of what you’re doing and how it’s appearing, and just feel it. You’re always worrying ‘Is she enjoying this?’ and ‘Is my thing big enough?’ But who cares? Sex is a messy enough business at the best of times. And I think it’s important to be able to laugh when you’re having sex – when it’s appropriate. It can be very damaging when you laugh at the wrong moment.”

You’d have to be pretty bad for me to move out. No communication is a bad thing that guys are guilty of. I hate men who are selfish with their feelings – men who can’t talk about the way they feel. But I’m not demanding at all. Making me a cup of coffee is an awesome thing to do.”

“Greek men are all about big moustaches, lots of ouzo and dancing with women who aren’t necessarily their wives. And also their moms tell them they’re perfect so they think they can do no wrong. And there’s nothing worse than a man who thinks he can do no wrong. Let’s get real.”

“I’m very old fashioned when it comes to love. I like men who act like gentlemen. The first time a boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, I nearly cried.”

“The best smell in the world is that man that you love.”

- “Just finding somebody that was your best friend, who you could be with and enjoy the passage of time — and that’s what I found.”

“It is an absolute bonus to make friends out of colleagues, but we are genuinely friends and our relationships grow stronger every day. We rely on each other for strength because we’ve been through so much in our lives together already.”

“It’s hard. It’s just 10 years of this incredibly group of people and it’s weird that it’s ending because it doesn’t seem like it really needs to but it does.”

“It hits in moments and that’s when you get all teary and weepy.”

“We’ve all cried. We don’t know what it’s going to be like. Like we didn’t know what it was going to be like when we started, we have no idea (what it will be like at the end). We’re all gonna be blithering idiots.”

“I’ll start crying (thinking about the end). That’s a tough one. If you go back to the beginning, I think everybody has a special place for Ross and Rachel.”

“We really care for each other, making sure that everybody’s okay.”

“(The show ending is) like a divorce nobody wants.”

“It happened so fast. I went in, read the script, laughed out loud, got home and an hour later had the part.”

“The boys are like our brothers. We love our boys.”

“When you watch the show in reruns... it’s so funny to be flipping channels
and see an old episode and think, ‘God we were awful. Such babies’.”

“We’re all with Friends until Friends dies. If one of us goes, we all go.
One of us wouldn’t leave. It wouldn’t be the show it is without each of us.”

“I was told to avoid the business all together because of the rejection.
People would say to me, ‘Don’t you want to have a normal job and a normal
family?’ I guess that would be good advice for some people, but I wanted to
act.”

“I remember dreaming about it, about being on TV. I remember seeing Children of a Lesser God on Broadway. I was sitting in the second or third row, and I was
just so blown away, and I walked out saying, ‘That’s what I want to do.’”

“I’m not taking the Hollywood thing too seriously because we’ve all seen this business chew people up and spit them out. I think I’ve learned from my family and friends that this is something I want to do, and do well. There’s so much more to learn. It’s very bizarre to be in this position. You almost feel like you haven’t earned this yet. I want to wait until I get to a place where I can say, ‘Now I deserve all this’. That will happen. But you have to look at what you’ve done. It’s a hard thing to pat yourself on the back.”

“I remember seeing ‘She’s The One’ for the first time. I was like, ‘I should not be on a screen that big. It doesn’t work.’”

“You can’t start something privately, you can’t break up privately, you can’t lose a parent privately—those are all the little thorns that come along with this beautiful rose. You kind of get a prick now and again.”

- “I don’t get sent anything strange like underwear. I get sent cookies.”

“I love the sun, I love the sand, I love the water.”

“I’ve never been able to do that Zen kind of thing with a hundred sweaty people in the room, I’d rather meditate on my own.”

“Mexican food is a brilliant indulgence.” (How does she wash it down?) “I love margaritas, martinis and cold, cold beer.”

“After feeling sick and not really doing anything, going back into yoga, your muscles come back and you feel strong. Inner strength. I love it.”

“They say there’s certain time of the night or the morning when you’re more open to receiving information – if there is information to be received – if you’re one of those New Agers who believe that stuff, which I’ve been known to do. I love that stuff.”

“If you keep your eyes open and watch, it’s your choice whether or not to learn. You can’t help but see the process.”

Golden Globe Award

- “Oh my Gosh, I barely just got here. Jeez. Oh my Lord, I never expected this to happen. Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press. Thank you. Wow, this is surreal. Er, okay, I have to thank these five people: Matthew Perry, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox, Matt LeBlanc. I love you guys. You started out as my colleagues, and you’re my friends and my family. This wouldn’t even be happening if it wasn’t for what I learned from you guys every day. And, er, Warner Brothers, of course, and Martha and David and Kevin, our brilliant writers who just don’t ever stop being brilliant and I can’t believe this. That’s – I just thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love my job and thank you. Thank you.”

Emmy Award

- “Oh my God! Wow! Thank you! I... I... don’t... well... oh boy! I just have to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. This has been the greatest nine years of my entire life. To work with this cast, who make me better everyday, who inspire me everyday. Our writers, the most brilliant writers in television, and I wouldn’t be here, any of us would not be here without you guys. Marta, David and Kevin and our crew and Inger and craft services and my family, my dear friends who I love so much and who keep me grounded, and my husband, I love you so much! Thank you! Thank you very much!”

People’s Choice Award, January 9, 2007

- “Woo! Man, I tell ya, lucky thing we did wear underwear, huh? Er... wow, hi! First of all, you know, thank you for loving The Break-Up – I did. (audience laughs hard at the unintended pun and Jennifer giggles, too) No... it was... truly just a fantastic experience and an amazing cast. And dear friend and fantastic co-star Vince Vaughn who’s so funny and talented. Peyton Reed. And I just, you know... You all have supported me since the days of Friends and just through – this is heavy (referring to the award) – just, you know, through all of it – the good work, bad work and the ugly. I just thank you for continually inviting me back, so thank you and I love you, thanks.”

Leprechaun

Tory: That thing is a leprechaun and we’ve got to figure out how to stop it!

Tory: Nathan, that was no fucking bear.

She’s the One

Renee Fitzpatrick: Francis, I cannot remember the last time I saw your penis.

Picture Perfect

Kate Mosley: I can be a “bad” girl for you Sam.

Kate Mosley: We had sex mommy! The really dirty kind!

Kate Mosley: Sam, you’re always going to be the guy at the restaurant, who, when he gets what he ordered, decides he wants what the other guy has instead.

Rita Mosely: I want a grandchild.

Kate Mosley: Well, Ma, you’ll be happy to know that I am looking into having some eggs frozen.

Rita Mosely: Wonderful. I can tell everyone I’m having a grandsicle.

Kate Mosley: I like men, men like me... but then somewhere in the last year or so, I’ve just gotten so screwed up.

Kate Mosley: I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to marry you, I don’t want to have kids with you, I just want to break up with you.

The Object of My Affection

Nina: Don’t open the door for any gas men. Unless you think either one of us would be interested.

Nina: I like guys a lot, but I’m not going to waste my time with some guy that doesn’t see things the way I do... I mean do you really need this guy?

Nina: I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way that I love you.

Nina: You don’t tell a woman that you love her and then two days later bring Romeo over to sleep with him.

Nina: You have to pick one person and make it work.

Nina: Freud didn’t know dick about women.

Rodney Fraser: Have you noticed that you’re the only practicing heterosexual at your Thanksgiving dinner?

Nina Borowski: I haven’t practiced for a while.

Nina: I want to look at you and not feel so hurt by you.

Nina: Head up young person.

Office Space

Joanna: How dare you judge me? Look at you. You’re just some penny-stealing... criminal... man.

Joanna: Why don’t you call me when you grow up! Wait a minute, that will never happen, so why don’t you just not call me, yeah...

Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Bryan, why don’t you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?

Stan, Chotchkie’s Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.

Joanna: You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don’t need 37 pieces of flair to do it.

(flips off Stan)

The Iron Giant (voice)

Annie Hughes: Strange. He’s so tight-lipped now, and yesterday he wouldn’t stop talking. I mean, hundred-foot robots and whatnot.

Annie Hughes: (to other waitress in background) So, he wants us to hold the mustard and the mayo. How about just hold the flavor altogether?

Annie Hughes: Hogarth, we’ve got to rent a room this year if we’re gonna make ends meet, and no one wants to live in a place with shredded upholstery.

Hogarth Hughes: You’ll never know he’s there. I’ll keep him in a cage...

Annie Hughes: ...until you feel sorry for him and set him free in the house. You remember the raccoon, Hogarth?
(Shudders) Annie Hughes: Oooooh! I remember the raccoon.

Rockstar

Emily: Oh no no... I could make you a pair of those. But first you gotta tell me what you shove in there to make people think you’re a guy.

Emily: Rob, I’m a business woman, and rule number one in this business is you go where the talent is... and all the fucking talent that was in this band has just left the room!

The Good Girl

Justine: After living in the dark for so long, a glimpse of the light can make you giddy. Strange thoughts come into your head and you better think’em. Has a special fate been calling you and you not listening? Is there a secret message right in front of you and you’re not reading it? Is this your last, best chance? Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins?

Justine: As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you’re on death row. You wanna run or scream or cry but something’s locking you up. Are the other folks cows chewing cud until the hour comes when their heads roll? Or are they just keeping quiet like you, planning their escape.

Justine: Like sitting on my couch with your big blue ass. Everything just turns to shit. You finally get nice things, then everything just gets messed up.

Justine: I went to the doctor. He says I’m fertile. He says I could repopulate the entire planet.

Justine: I hate everyone here. I hate Gwen. I don’t know what the hell she’s so happy about. I’m sorry I don’t understand why maniacs get shotguns and shoot everybody to pieces.

Justine: Is this your last best chance? Or are you going to your grave with unlived lives in your veins?

Justine: How it all came down to this, only the Devil knows. Retail Rodeo is at the corner on my left. The motel is down the road to my right. I close my eyes and try to peer into the future. On my left, I saw days upon days of lipstick and ticking clocks, dirty looks and quiet whisperings. And burning secrets that just won’t ever die away. And on my right, what could I picture? The blue sky, the desert earth, stretching out into the eerie infinity. A beautiful never-ending nothing.

Justine: That day I read the story Holden had wrote for me. It was kinda different from the other ones but kinda the same. It was about a girl who was put upon, whose job is like a prison, and whose life has lost all meaning. Other people don’t get her, especially her husband. One day she meets a boy who is also put upon and they fall in love. After spending their whole lives never getting got, with one look they get each other completely. In the end the girl and the boy run away together into the wilderness, never to be heard from again.

Justine: Holden gave me two of his stories to read. It was more like the story of what a story would be. It was about a boy who was put upon; whose mother is cold and selfish and whose father wanted him to play football. Other people didn’t get him. Especiall girls. Soon enough the boy comes to believe that no one can ever really know him. He starts acting out, drinking and taking all kinds of drugs. At the end the boy kills himself by jumping over a bridge. The second story was pretty much the same as the first expect at the end the boy kills himself by drinking a bottle of bug poison.

Along Came Polly

(not on the DVD nor in the theatrical version) Polly Prince: You wanna come upstairs and have sex? (...) I’m kidding!

Polly Prince: I’ve been living my life, okay? I’ve been in good relationships and I’ve been in shitty ones... and I’ve moved alot... and I’ve been happy, and I’ve been sad... and I’ve been lonely... and that is what I’ve been doing. Which is a lot more then I can say for some freak, who thinks he’s gonna get the Ebola virus from a bowl of mixed nuts.

Polly Prince: That’s not a rat, that’s my ferret.

Polly Prince: Well, big deal, Reuben, my dad had a whole second family! (...) Yeah, on Long Island. He had a wife, and kids, and a golden retriever!

Bruce Almighty

Grace: You still have to go over there, the nurse is waiting.

Bruce: Oh, do I have to?

Grace: Oh, it’s not going to hurt. In fact I think you might find it quite pleasurable.

Grace: It’s weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?

Grace: Debbie won the lottery. (...) But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.

Grace: You know that everything happens for a reason.

Grace: Bruce, you promised that you would help me with this photo album. Now, you get your goofy butt over here!

Grace: Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no, no. Oh gosh, please don’t put that in your mouth. We don’t eat that. Oh, that’s not food. Oh, go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands. God, I swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament.

Rumor Has It...

Sarah: You’re not even the most screwed-up person in this room!

Sarah: I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.

Sarah: Maybe every girl in my family have to sleep with you

Derailed

Lucinda Harris: You’re kinda funny, aren’t you?

Lucinda Harris: Kiss me.

Lucinda Harris: He threatened he’ll take my daughter.

Lucinda Harris: Some people just don’t know how to appreciate what they’ve got.

Friends with Money

Olivia: I’m a... maid. What?

Mike: You’re... you’re really a maid?

Olivia: Yeah.

Mike: Can I... watch?

The Break-Up

Brooke Meyers: It’s sock, you ***hole!

Brooke Meyers: I think you’re just a little embarrassed that Richard kicked your ass.