Henny Youngman Quotes

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn`t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who`ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you`re in the wrong house, that`s what it means.