Fred Allen Quotes

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer`s heart.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Television is a new medium. It`s called a medium because nothing is well-done.

What`s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?

I can`t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

(Television is) the triumph of machine over people.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

What`s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.