Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Your life story would not make a good book. Don`t even try.

I`ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Life is something that happens when you can`t get to sleep.

All God`s children are not beautiful. Most of God`s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Success didn`t spoil me, I`ve always been insufferable.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

I must take issue with the term `a mere child,` for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.

My favorite animal is steak.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

The opposite of talking isn`t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he`s buying.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Life is something to do when you can`t get to sleep.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies

Romantic love is mental illness. But it`s a pleasurable one. It`s a drug. It distorts reality, and that`s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

You`re only has good as your last haircut.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.