Bob Hope Quotes

(on being told he was being awarded an honorary knighthood) What an honor and what a surprise for a boy born in England, raised in Cleveland and schooled in vaudeville.

Golf is my real profession - show business pays my greens fees.

You know you`re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(On his 100th birthday) I`m so old, they`ve canceled my blood type.

(at the height of the Cold War) We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

(When asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried) Surprise me.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Bing Crosby and I weren`t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There`s nothing I wouldn`t do for Bing, and there`s nothing he wouldn`t do for me. And that`s the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!"

Welcome to the Academy Awards -- or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

(referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies) Tonight we set aside petty differences, forget old feuds and start new ones.

(At the Academy Awards) We`re all here to celebrate Oscar -- or as he`s known at my house, The Fugitive!

(referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies) Welcome to "You Bet Your Career."

(1991) Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

(At the Academy Awards) To all you losers, remember there`s a bright side to all of this: you can still run for Governor.

(In reference to Macaulay Culkin) I remember when they handed out the Oscars in 1927; I was Home Alone, too!

They said I was worth $500 million. If I was worth that much, I wouldn`t have visited Vietnam, I`d have sent for it.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

(on Vincent Price) He always loved a good joke. Moreover, he was kind enough to laugh at jokes that weren`t so good.

(referring to both the film release of "Mommie Dearest" (Mommie Dearest (1981)), the biography of Joan Crawford written by her daughter Christina Crawford, and the equally scathing book about Bette Davis, written by her daughter) Now I know why tigers eat their young.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

I do benefits for ALL religions. I`d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(on Jane Russell) Don`t let her fool you. Tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

(on Katharine Hepburn) This dame is terrific -- and expert in her craft and so electrifying on set that if you don`t watch out, you`re likely to wind up as part of the scenery.

(on Bing Crosby) A lot of people think that Bing was a loner, but Bing was a very loyal friend.

(on Dorothy Lamour) Dottie was fearless. She stands there before the camera and ad libs with Bing Crosby and me, fully knowing the way the script`s written, she`ll come up second or third best.

(when asked why he didn`t run for President of the United States) I thought about it. But my wife said she wouldn`t want to move into a smaller house.

(on Jack Benny) He didn`t just stand on the stage. He owned it.

(on MGM chief Louis B. Mayer) Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America.

If you watch a game, it`s fun. If you play at it, it`s recreation. If you work at it, it`s golf.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that`s why we have two parties.

I don`t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don`t need it.

I don`t generally feel anything until noon; then it`s time for my nap.

(referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies) Welcome to "You Bet Your Career."

(At the Academy Awards) To all you losers, remember there`s a bright side to all of this: you can still run for Governor.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

(On his 100th birthday) I`m so old, they`ve canceled my blood type.

(referring to Macaulay Culkin) That kid`s getting $5 million for his next picture. For this we need child labor laws?

(on Vincent Price) He always loved a good joke. Moreover, he was kind enough to laugh at jokes that weren`t so good.

I`ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn`t know how really great he is.

(referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies) Tonight we set aside petty differences, forget old feuds and start new ones.

Golf is my real profession - show business pays my greens fees.

(At the Academy Awards) We`re all here to celebrate Oscar -- or as he`s known at my house, The Fugitive!

(on Jack Benny) He didn`t just stand on the stage. He owned it.

(at the height of the Cold War) We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

They said I was worth $500 million. If I was worth that much, I wouldn`t have visited Vietnam, I`d have sent for it.

I do benefits for ALL religions. I`d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(on Dorothy Lamour) Dottie was fearless. She stands there before the camera and ad libs with Bing Crosby and me, fully knowing the way the script`s written, she`ll come up second or third best.

(at the 50th Anniversary Academy Awards, referring to Oscar Winners Tribute Sequence) They`ve all got their Oscars. But are they happy?

(referring to both the film release of "Mommie Dearest" (Mommie Dearest (1981)), the biography of Joan Crawford written by her daughter Christina Crawford, and the equally scathing book about Bette Davis, written by her daughter) Now I know why tigers eat their young.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

(when asked why he didn`t run for President of the United States) I thought about it. But my wife said she wouldn`t want to move into a smaller house.

(1991) Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

Welcome to the Academy Awards -- or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

(on being told he was being awarded an honorary knighthood) What an honor and what a surprise for a boy born in England, raised in Cleveland and schooled in vaudeville.

Bing Crosby and I weren`t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There`s nothing I wouldn`t do for Bing, and there`s nothing he wouldn`t do for me. And that`s the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!"

(on MGM chief Louis B. Mayer) Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America.

(on Jane Russell) Don`t let her fool you. Tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

(In reference to Macaulay Culkin) I remember when they handed out the Oscars in 1927; I was Home Alone, too!

(In reference to the Academy Awards) It`s wonderful to be here in person. I couldn`t be here in spirit, so I`m here in person.

(on Katharine Hepburn) This dame is terrific -- and expert in her craft and so electrifying on set that if you don`t watch out, you`re likely to wind up as part of the scenery.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

I love Oscar, that little bald head. I didn`t know Sinéad O`Connor had children!

(When asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried) Surprise me.

You know you`re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1991) Remember, you kids, always pay to get into the movies; the Japanese need the money.

If you haven`t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

(on Bing Crosby) A lot of people think that Bing was a loner, but Bing was a very loyal friend.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

If you watch a game, it`s fun. If you play it, it`s recreation. If you work at it, it`s golf.

I don`t feel old. I don`t feel anything till noon. That`s when it`s time for my nap.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.






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