Benny Hill Quotes

"Girls are like pianos. When they`re not upright, they`re grand."

(When asked to comment on rumours that he had sexual affairs with women who appeared on his shows): I never yell, I never tell, but I`m grateful as hell.

That`s what show business is, sincere insincerity.

Do unto others, then run.

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

I`m not against half naked girls - not as often as I`d like to be.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.

I thought I couldn`t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.