Andy Igrejas Quotes

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I`ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn`t get more meat, I`ll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I`ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I`d say Flippy, wouldn`t you? You`d be wrong though. It`s Hambone.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn`t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I`d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you`d probably be able to get a lot of free games.

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that`s what He`s getting

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn`t want to upset him.

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you`re having a good idea but it`s just eggs hatching.